


UnOrdinary Uno

by CherryCakex, orphan_account



Series: Crackhead Chaos [1]
Category: Purple Hyacinth (Webcomic)
Genre: Maybe - Freeform, Rated for swearing, UNO, a tad bit of lauki but thats it, crackfic, editor became coauthor things, i ate soap during this, no friends, no i need help, soap uwu, take that i added more tags, this is very very on crack, this started at 5am help us, we need help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25175455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryCakex/pseuds/CherryCakex, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The main team play uno, the authors join because its 5am and they can't sleep, kym wants to win, will doesn't care anymore, lauren wants to beat kieran, kieran vibes, and the authors drink coke, the iri's children vibe with kym-_____________this started at 5 am because i was bored-we need help
Series: Crackhead Chaos [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1823818
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	UnOrdinary Uno

**Author's Note:**

> livbean and viola_lola: LOVELY CHILDREN AND BETA READERS :) TY FOR MAKIN THIS MORE CURSED

“We should play uno.”

  
It was a bright sunny day in Ardhalis and-

  
“We should play uno.” Repeated Kym, louder now. “Oi, Iris, shut the fuck up, I wanna play uno.”

  
(Damn I just wanted to do a setting thing and kym just-)

  
“Smh, Kym, leave Iris alone, it's 5 am let her vibe for a bit at least,” nodded Lauren.

  
“I WANT TO PLAY FUCKING UNO!!” Kym hollers. “FUCK IRIS LET'S FUCKING,” claps, “PLAY,” claps “UNO!” Kym screams.

  
“Ladell, if you don’t shut up I’m going to kill you,” Lukas says, glaring at Kym from afar. “I’m not in the mood right now.”

  
Kym turns to glare at him. “YEAH? WELL, I'M IN THE MOOD TO PLAY UNO!” She turns her head towards the author. “Oi, Iris, is uno even a thing in this time period?” Kym looks away and claps. “Actually, I don’t give a fuck about whether or not uno is invented yet,” she says, shooting him a glare, “so let’s play.”

  
“Oh my god! I love that webtoon!” Lila gushes from her desk with a smile. “It’s so cute! I love Bowser!”

  
Kieran watches the chaos unfold from the sidelines. “Sorry kym-” he finally says, shrugging “-but if I played against you at Uno, you would lose pretty bad.”

  
Kym clenched her fists, “OH IT'S ON, LIMITED EDITION PURPLE HYACINTH SHAMPOO.”

  
Wistfully, Willussy looked up at the commotion.

  
"Bitch, count me in.” Lauren snarls.

  
(Iris, watching from afar: “We are breaking every wall here rn.”)

  
(Lilza, sipping her Dr.Pepper at 5 am: “Oh hell yea we are.”)

  
“Kieran,” Lauren says, “you suck ass at Uno.” She smiles, lips curling into an expression of pure insanity. “I could beat you any day.”

  
“I regret coming to work today.” Will glares at Kym, just for her to return the gesture ten fold. “Deal the cards, Ladell. I’m tired of your bull.”

  
Kym squealed then turned around with a glare and said, “Iris, I don’t squeal. You go baddie but the bad is silent. You didn't pass the vibe check.”

  
“Please get help,” Will says, “or just deal the freaking cards already.”

  
They all sat around a table and-

  
“SHUT UP I WANNA WIN.” Kym screams, once again at Iris, “I WANNA WIN, BROSKI.”

  
“OH HELL,” Kieran shouts, “I GOT SUCH GOOD CARDS.”

  
“LMHO, (laughing my ham off for the uneducated) IMMA MAKE SURE U LOSE,” taunts Lauren, peeking at Kierans cards.

“Those are really good though,” she mutters to herself “he better not win...”

  
(Iris feels like dying rn so she’s gonna)

  
(Lilza is very concerned-)

  
Lilza decided to come out of the editing corner and pull up a chair at the table.

  
Lauren looked at her questionably, “what are you doing? Aren’t you just supposed to be editing this?”

  
“Yeah.” Lilza said, dealing herself in the game, “but Iris is tired. Her dying wish said I could continue writing if I wanted too once I finished editing. So, here I am.”

  
“I see-“

  
“Draw four, Officer.” Kieran smirked at Lauren after placing his card.

  
“What the fuck-“

  
“Hurry the fuck up and draw four, Lauren” Kym said, obviously rushing Lauren.

  
“Weren’t we going the other way?” Lauren squinted at Kym with doubt.

  
“I did a reverse while you were talking. Chop chop, bitch.”

  
Lauren sighed and begrudgingly went to take the cards when she stopped right above the drawing pile. She looked up at Will, who was next. “You know Will…” She smirked, “...It’d be a shame... If I had a draw four…”

  
Will looked at her with nothing but betrayal. “You wouldn’t…”

  
She pulled her hand back from the pile back to her hand. “Oh. I would.” She placed the draw four on the pile and looked back at Will victoriously.

  
“I can’t believe you done this….”

  
“There are no such things as ‘friends’ while playing uno, Will.”

  
Will sighed with deep regret and drew 8 cards.

  
Lukas, clearly not giving a shit about the ‘death’ of his fallen comrade, looked over at lauren. “What’s the color?”

  
“Oh-“ Lauren looked at her hand quickly and looked back up. “It’s blue.”

  
Lukas grunted in reply as he placed a blue 7 on the pile.

  
Lila was quick to put down a blue 3.

  
Lilza, internally screaming, drew 5 cards before releasing a breath of relief as she got a wild card. “Green.” She said simply, placing it on the pile.

  
Iris came back to the living as the group of 6, plus Lilza, turned their heads in shock. “Sup hoes” she said, clearly sleep deprived, “I'm playing.”

  
“This fic breaks the 4th wall too much” Lauren says.

  
“-You’ve clearly never read my teacher au fanfic, Lauren-“ Lilza interjected, tired and drained.

  
“-you guys either stay out of the fic, or like, vibe.”

  
“Iris is fucking sleep deprived; you act like she can write right now.” Will sighed as Kym placed down a green plus 2.  
“Eat shit, L’Oréal.”

  
Kieran glared at her as he put down his blue plus 2, “This will come to an exciting conclusion. It’s your turn, Iris.”

  
“I'm not broke,” Iris says, “I like chicken nuggets” she puts down a green plus two.

  
“Chicken nuggets are for broke people,” Lilza says, “Chicken tenders are for the rich.”

  
Lauren smiles, and puts down another yellow plus two, “sorry, not sorry, Will.”

  
“I lost count. How many plus twos have y‘all put down?” says Iris, “I just thought it would be a good story plot. You know, for the shits and giggles.”

  
“Ooooh wig snatched,” came a new voice from under the table, “Just like how Harvey snatched Hermanns virginity, hue hue.”

  
Everyone screamed of terror; Lilza was just very confused at the moment, looking back up at Iris, “What the hell are you doing, Iris?”

  
“I needed to include my daughter and beta reader, Liv” Iris said waving a hand, “Just keep playing, she just likes admiring peoples shoes.”

  
Will looked down at his feet, and there was a black haired teenage girl looking at his shoes-

  
“Shake my head,” She says, “you should polish your shoes more often.”

  
Everyone looked at her, eyes wide, “Can we just keep playing and let Liv vibe,” yells Kym, “I WANNA WIN!”

  
Will chuckles, placing yet another blue plus two on the pile. “How do you feel now Lukas, ready to pick up all the cards?”

  
Lukas pales, then smirks. “Actually, Will,” Lukas waves around his card, “I feel wonderful.” Lukas slaps it down. Another plus two.

  
Lila smiles and puts down her plus two, “I feel so bad for whoever has to pick all of this up.” she laughs, “I hope its not me”

  
“Lilza you're so dead omg” says Iris leaning over her phone, “rip.”

  
“Fr” said liv, still looking at Will's shoes, “you have terrible taste in shoes” she shakes her head again, “they smell terrible.”

  
“Why are you smelling my shoes,” Will asked disgusted.

  
“Because,” Liv shrugs, “Lola told me too”  
“Who the fuck is Lola,” Lauren asked.  
“My pet rock and my sister,” Liv replied.

  
“My other child that **I hate more.** " Iris shrugged. Lauren raised an eyebrow at the lie as Iris continued to gradually lose it. “GOD DAMNIT LILZA PICK UP THE FUCKING CARDS”

  
“How many tho.”

  
"William Hawkes is one thicc bih," Liv sang from under the table. Kym and Lola jumped out of their seats, joining in.  
"LET US SEE THAT WILLUSSY!!" the crackhead trio belted.

  
Kieran looked on in amazement. "What about Kierussy?"

  
Lauren smacked his head down into the tabletop. The sound ricocheted around the room. "Die, hoe."

  
"You know you love me, I know you care, so-"

  
_Slam._

  
“Is that a song or something?” Iris is dumb, “I literally don’t know what they were thinking writing thing.”

  
Lilza sighed at their antics. Thinking about how it was impossible for Lauren to slam Kieran’s head against the table without fucking the game up. She calmly drew 14 cards. “It seems like everyone has been drinking their dumb bitch juice so I think I’ll continue the story from here.”

  
Kym jumped back in their seat. “Hey, so it’s my turn right?” She grinned evilly, placing down a red plus 2. “Like I said before, eat shit, L’Oréal.”

  
“So is no one going to talk about how Iris decided to sit herself between Kiki and Lauren?” Lilza whispered to Liv who was ignoring her as she mumbled about shoe quality. Lilza rolled her eyes and kept her Lauki thoughts to herself. She just wanted them to be happy, okay?

  
Kieran looked at the red plus two on the pile. He sighed, and placed a yellow plus 2.

  
Iris snickered to herself as she placed a yellow plus 2.

  
Another green plus 2 was placed by Lauren.

  
Will placed a blue plus 2, “it’s strange how anticlimactic things are when Lilza writes. All we’ve been doing is placing cards.”

  
“Yeah, no one has talked in all caps so far in this fic when she was writing.” Kym glanced at Lilza.

  
Lilza watched Lukas play a yellow plus 2.

“Look, I try to keep things with as little of ooc as possible.”

  
Lila placed a red plus 2.

  
“It’s not my fault y’all are boring as fuck.”

  
Iris was full out laughing, “wow I guess it’s back to you again. What a pity. Hopefully you were keeping track of the cards because I sure as hell wasn’t.”  
Lilza raised an eyebrow at the original author as she placed a green plus 2.

“What did you say? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your bullshit.”  
Iris just stared at the pile in panic.

  
“I guess that makes sense,” Kieran said as Kym places a blue plus 2, “we did just make her draw 14 cards. It’d be weird if she didn’t get any plus 2s.” Kieran placed a red plus 2 down.

  
Iris sat there staring in disbelief of the turn out. “How the fuck do you people have so many plus 2s?!”

  
“It’s fucking magic.” Lilza said, pointing at the drawing deck. “Now draw 20, hoe.”  
Iris slowly drew 20 cards. Her panic grew greater with each card she picked up.

  
“You see?” Lilza laughed, “this is what you get for making me draw 14 when I was away sleeping. Fuck y’all lives; It’s my turn to write.”

  
Lauren, not giving a shit, placed down a red 1.

  
Will placed a blue 1, changing the color.  
Lukas placed a blue 4. He sighed “so it’s finally quiet…”

  
Lila giggled to herself as she placed a yellow 4, ”I suppose you should enjoy it while it lasts. It won’t be long till the chaos begins again.”

  
“You’re right.” Lilza placed a yellow 5. “I think I’ll let someone else continue now.”

  
(A single tear falls from Iris’ eyes: “wtf did they make me do again?”)

  
“So I love chicken nuggets and I don’t understand why the fuck they don’t have a chicken nugget emoji,” Iris said very suddenly while hysterically sobbing and eating chicken nuggets that came out of nowhere, “Blue chicken is best chicken,”

  
“OH HELL NO,” screamed Lola, “It's very clear that green chicken is the best.”

  
“And this is why we don’t let Iris write at all,” Lauren rolled her eyes, “It's too chaotic.”

  
“NO!” Kym says, “I GET TO TALK IN ALL CAPS AND DO DUMB SHIT WHEN IRIS WRITES!”

  
“You always do dumb shit even when she doesn’t write dumbass,” Will informs her. “You tried to eat a chair yesterday.”

  
“BECAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE CHOCOLATE!”

  
“Kym. literally. chairs. aren’t. made. of. Chocolate.”

  
“Well how was I supposed to know that it was made out of wood?” she huffs, “it tasted like shit tho,” she adds.

  
“Can we go back to playing the game guys?” Kieran asked, “I wanna beat Lauren.”

  
“Well,” Iris thinks for a bit, “I have no clue what's going on with the game-”  
Lauren cocked her head at her, “Your saying that-”

  
“I made Lilza write the whole thing uwu,” Iris adds, “I’m like that tho, she writes the boring shit,” She makes a face, “AND I WRITE ALL THE CRACK HUE HUE”

  
“Wow.” Lilza stats dryly, “thanks. I don’t even write that much I just edit mostly. And makes sure Iris isn’t brain dead while fixing things up to make sense.”

With that, Kym finally plays a green 5.

  
“Fuck.”

  
“Willame, did you just fucking swear?”  
“Shut up, Kym. Why the fuck did you make it green.”

  
“Oh, eheeheh, that must suck, huh, Willame? Don’t have any greens? What. A. Shame.” Kym smirked victoriously.  
Willame glared at Kym while Kieran placed a green 2.

  
“Didn’t Lilza just say she doesn’t write that much in the fanfic??” Lauren asked out of the blue.

  
Lilza looked in her direction, confused. “Yeah?”

  
“And what have you been doing?”

  
“...writing…”

  
“Okay.”

  
“Okay- but look- it’s been like- two days and no ones writen shit and when Iris tried she didn’t know what the fuck was going on, okay? Okay.”

  
“Too many ‘okays’ in one go.”

  
“Not the point. Iris. It’s ur fucking turn to place a card so do it before we skip you. Color is green.”

  
Iris sighed depressingly with her 20+ cards. She placed a green 7.

  
“I swear I have to do everything myself… this isn’t even my fanfic; I’m just here to edit…” Lilza mumbled aggressively to herself as Lauren played a green 1.

  
Lauren looked up to Lilza, “didn’t we just talk abo-“

  
“Yeah, about how I never write? Hahah it’s so funny.” Lilza laid her head on the table in defeat. “Can we please just end the game already? This has gone on long enough.”

  
“NEVER.” Kym shouted, then turned to Will, “IT'S YOUR TURN NERD. PLAY OR ELSE.”

  
Kieran looked to Lilza in surprise. “Caps? That’s new.”

  
“Stfu, Kiki. I’m too tired to give a single shit. It’s 3 am and I have work tomorrow.”

  
“Ouch. Someone’s in a mood.”  
“Excuse you. I’m always a bitch. Sometimes I'm just a nice bitch.”

  
“Sounds festive.”

  
“Hoes speed,” Iris says, “Speed chicken nuggets.”

  
“I wanna end this game tbh,” Lilza groans, “I don’t wanna write anymore”  
“Wig snatched,” agrees Iris.

  
Will looked at Iris, “did you just talk through lilza, but didn’t want to look bad so she said it instead of you”

  
Iris looks at herself, “GURL, STOP EXPOSING ME!” She huffs, “yeah basically” she says back to will.

  
“Well if we aren’t playing anymore can I at least flip the table like that meme?” asks Kym,

  
“WAIT HOLD UP.” yells iris, “I wanna reach 2.5k words first”

  
“How long is that gonna take iris?” Lauren asks, “we don’t have all day.”

  
“Shush Lauren,” Iris replies staring aggressively at her word count, “go argue with Kiki or some shit.”

  
In response, Lauren stands up and yeets that bitch of a chair at Kierans face,  
“There, done.” Lauren says dusting her hands, “can you end it now?”

  
“FUCK YOU.” Kieran yells and throws the chair back her Lauren’s face. “CAN I FUCKING FLIP THE TABLE NOW?”

  
“IM UNDER THE FUCKING TABLE!” Liv yells.

  
“SAME HOE!” Lola screeches.

  
They fistbump, “sister tingz” they chorus.

  
“Can you kill them off before you end this?” asks Kym, “WAIT I WANT TO KILL THEM.”

  
“Don’t worry I was going to- wait what” Iris questions, “oh look at that! We are at 2.5k!”

  
“Ooooo YAY! LET'S GO EAT WATERMELON,” Kym cheers then turns to will, “COME ON WILLAME, GO BUY ME WATERMELON.”

  
(“Is that even how you spell it?” iris questions her own sanity, “i'm running low on brain cells rn.”)

  
“Didn’t you want to flip the table?” Will says not even bothering to correct her anymore, “and kill people?”

  
“OH YEAH I DID!” Kym screeches, and runs over to the table and flips it over like that one meme Iris saw on insta, “YEET.”

  
“Like periodtttt.” says Liv as she doesn’t die but returns to reality, “MOM YOU BETTER INCLUDE ME IN THE NEXT ONE,” she says, “I WANT TO SMELL WILL’S SHOES AGAIN”

  
(Im just gonna end it there I-)

  
(Oh it’s finally over. Fucking finally-)

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know anymore tbh  
> word count: 2.5K+  
> HOW DID WE EVEN WRITE THIS LMAO-  
> kk time to kms  
> peace bruvskis <3  
> Edit: we’re making more chaos :>>


End file.
